Strength or Numbness

I thought once I found the man I love and said "I do" I would never have to feel this way again.  Lately, I have been finding that to not be true.  


It's not quite to the extreme of losing him, because I know neither of us are going anywhere, but sometimes it just feels there are things we are never going to overcome. 


Am I getting stronger or just becoming numb?

How Am I So Lucky

I look back over my life and the choices I have made and I can't help but think "How am I the one that got lucky?"  I have made some really dumb choices in my past.  Choices that could have altered my life in huge, negative ways.  Somehow, only by the true grace of our Lord, I have not been faced with the same consequences as others I know who made the exact same choices.  


I fell in love with a man who had completely different beliefs from me, therefore, I knew it would never work, but I loved him and wanted to be with him. Thankfully, somehow, unbeknownst to me, I got out.  Someone I know and love is still trapped in the exact same relationship.


I chose to love people I knew were not healthy for me to love, but I continued to pursue a relationship with them.  I know someone who might lose his life, his family, and his career for making the same choice.  


I had unprotected sex, with someone who slept with ALOT of people, but amazingly, I did not get an STD.  Many others I know weren't so lucky. 


My husband and I had plenty of unprotected sex before marriage, and luckily did not make any babies in the process.  One of my best friends made the same choice, but now has two kids, and no ring on her finger to show for it.  


I know its not luck.  I know its grace, but how much grace is one person allowed?  When will mine run out?

(Courtesy of Google Images)

Hello 2011, Yes I'm still here.

So far 2011 has been quite an unexpected ride for me. It's only March and I feel as though I
have had enough happen in these 2 1/2 months to get me a free pass for most of the year.
I haven't had much time to blog so I am going to sum it up in a few highlights.

• I said goodbye to my sister without knowing when I will see her again. 
• I began a new job 
• Watched people get fired at my new job. 
• Gained a houseguest 
• Fought more with my husband due to houseguest 
• Lost my firstborn, my dog, 3x's due to houseguest 
• Had my period EVERY month...and on time (this is highly unusual but incredibly comforting for me) 
• Gained 5 lbs, on top of the other 5 from 2010....FML. 
• Promised my best friend that I would have a baby 9 months after I move into a new home. Luckily I've bought myself some time with this one due to not moving anytime soon :) 
• Was hurt intensely by a friend 
• Said I’m sorry to a good friend…that was 3 yrs too late. 
• Had the worst fight of our 14 year friendship with my best friend. 
• My husband and I gained job security for life...with the job I hate doing. 
• Been to church no more than 5x’s due to working on the weekends. 
• Watched my new company downsize to only 4 employees, and possibly go out of business. 
• Spent every Monday night building relationships with my best friends over The Bachelor and too much wine :) 
• Been constantly tested in every area of my life 
• Began to find myself again 

So far 2011 has brought many trials mixed with many blessings, but its nothing I can't overcome. I expect the rest of the year to bring just as many trials...but, I will be ready for them, and I will spend more time counting my blessings and being thankful for the wonderful things the Lord has blessed me with.

I will beat you 2011.